Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Randomness....and waiting sucks

It seems I semi-overdid it after feeling much better Saturday, one day post retrieval. I was off the Vicodin, feeling hungry, and had a small burst of energy. So I had a nice meal, did some light house work, made home-made cheese and a few other things. Wrong answer. I found myself back in bed Sunday with cramps, nauseousness, and severe constipation. So I spent a portion of Monday in bed too. And not to screw it up any further, I'm lying low today as well. Very low, as in flat.

I am not a TV fan. I lack the concentration now to read anything substantive. I have very little energy to do anything. So that leaves cat naps (cats included) and being a bore with another blog post. Today is mostly about my observations. A summary of stuff....and a way to pass the time.

1. Waiting sucks. I have not heard from the lab since Saturday. They did say they wouldn't call again until transfer day. OK, but I hope they would call if all was not well. On the other hand...there isn't a lot I could do about it anyway. I'm operating under the "no news is good news" plan.

2. The heating pad is my friend. So are stretchy clothes.

3. Despite being swollen from whomever sat on my stomach during the retrieval, I have lost 6 pounds since retrieval day. I like this.

4. Things I'm NOT eating: dairy, meat, citrus fruit, sugary food, anything cold.

5. Things I AM eating: chicken stock, pasta, egg whites, apples, applesauce, bread sticks, tea, mashed potatoes, lettuce (go figure).

6. Waiting sucks.

7. The PIO shots aren't horrible. They sting a bit a few minutes afterward and my rump is sore. Not big deals in the scope of things.

8. The prednisone is giving me grief. Super Doc hates this drug and has been bothered by the fact that I am taking it. I only have 2 more days of it though and the effects are not cumulative. Thankfully, I have not gone psychotic on it.

9. I am up peeing all night, so I'm not sleeping well. (See number 8). So I'm exhausted during the day.

10. I have the luxury of showing up to my office in my pajamas and going back to bed when I'm tired. I salute everyone who has to get dressed and make like a happy face at work.

11. Mr. W is able (and willing) to do absolutely everything around the house and build a pizza oven at the same time. I feel mostly worthless. Yesterday he asked me what I thought all 4 of our kids were doing. I realize he is absolutely smitten with the thought, and this fuels his fire.

12. Mr. W's parents have just returned from 3 months out of the country. He decides to tell his mother what's going on, at the risk she will not approve or understand the process. Nearing 80, Mr. W's parents have the Old Country values and religious convictions. Surprisingly, she is supportive and optimistic. I remind Mr. W it's only a matter of days now before relatives from near-by states and the old world start hounding us. It will be in the newspaper, tomorrow, I'm sure.

13. Did I mention waiting sucks?

14. I will never forget the first thing my RE said to me at our initial consult. "Stay off the internet." WTF? Are you kidding me? I have done a lot of research. I have some new ideas if this doesn't work.

15. Mr. W's BFF had a complete knee replacement 2 weeks ago. He has been laid up in bed and on pain killers ever since. He has been very supportive through this mess and sends me encouraging text messages every day. Some are funny. Some are laced with Oxycontin. Some are about his own constipation. It's good comic relief. And he's planning a recovery party for us all.

16. Reading the blogs of others, and reading the comments others have left me is inspiring. As many of you have said, it reminds us there is still good in the human race. Complete strangers have created powerful connections that transcend race, religion, politics, and socio-economics. Why then is our world always at war?

17. Mr. W and I were raised in homes where discussion of sex & bodily health (not to mention politics, religion, and money) were taboo. This is fundamentally wrong. Mr. W should not have had to go to medical school to learn what a varicocele was and that it could contribute to MFI. We should not have felt so ashamed to ask for help earlier on. We too, were guilty of the royal sweep under the carpet.

18. April 1st is my transfer day. No fooling.

19. For the past 10 years, Mr. W had not taken a sick day from work. In the past 5 months he's cancelled multiple days to be with me at the appointments. I offered to get a ride tomorrow for the transfer but Super Doc cancelled half a day's patients. He wants to at least be in the same room when I get knocked up.

20. Waiting sucks. And I'm sure the 2ww will be worse.


  1. Waiting does suck. And it seems whenever one wait ends there's another one there to take it's place. Hang in there and good luck tomorrow! Hope your 4 kids are doing A-OK in their lab home.

  2. the waiting was the worst part for me. the first part of the 2ww was easier to handle than the last few days. i'm anxious to hear how your transfer went!

  3. Wow, you transferred yesterday! Good luck.

    I understand why your RE would say "No internet!" You just wind up stressing yourself out. My acupuncturist told me to not even watch tv. She suggested taking walks in parks, admiring the beauty in nature, etc. She was convinced that even watching the news would cause too much stress for the wait period.

    This might sound lame, but being around animals always makes me feel more calm and I forget what I am stressed out about. Maybe a trip to a pet store, zoo, pond, to watch animals and relax might help a bit right now? Not sure if this would help you out on a day or two of the wait. Maybe the Discovery Channel if getting out is too hard with your hubby laid up after his own surgery?

    #10: I telecommute too. Thank god for our ability to work in our PJs!!! :-)

    Anyways, one of my girlfriends went out for a long walk on the beach right after her transfer of 3 embies (her first IVF and her doctor told her to go home and stay in bed) and she got preggers. I'm not convinced that bedrest and fretting helps any of us. I know it's easy to say to just not worry...oh how I know that after all of my cycles where I stressed out the entire time. I wish I could follow my own advice. :-)

    I truly wish you peace of mind during this wretched wait. Feel free to swing by my blog and rant all you need. I'm happy to commiserate.