Friday, November 27, 2009
Happily, I swam in the pool yesterday morning. It felt amazing, although it was a bit chilly and raining out. And I managed to survive two Thanksgiving dinners without tossing anything. Although I paid dearly for it this morning.
And reasons why the cat's out of the bag:
1) I am 12 weeks (+2 days now)
2) I have a very obvious protrusion (as all family members pointed out yesterday)
3) To see me at a holiday event (or anywhere for that matter) without a glass of wine in my hand is sacrilege. Nonetheless, I am still asked to choose the wine for everyone else.
4) Admission to Super Doc's hospital for fluids is just too juicy to keep quiet.
Monday, November 23, 2009
My first appointment with the perinatologist was just over a week ago. The appointment was split into 2 days, primarily because I was continuing to have bleeding and they wanted to get me in for the u/s earlier. The u/s was fine. All were happy and bouncing around. There was evidence of some fluid collection near my cervix - likely the blood. And it looked like there was still a subchorionic hematoma on one side, that would hopefully just bleed out. I was also told bleeding occurs in almost 100% of triplet pregnancies, for reasons that really aren't known. The good news was that the twins are di-amniotic - meaning although they are sharing a placenta, they each have their own amniotic sacs. This improves their survival rate tremendously.
I have 2 amazing peris - Dr. J and Dr. M. Dr. J went to medical school with Mr. W. He is the procedure guy and does all of the testing. He is methodical and has a quirky sense of humor. Dr. M has been around forever and is considered "the" expert in town. He has an incredible bedside manner and Mr. W has known him for a long time. Dr. M did the consult portion of my appointment the day after the ultrasound.
Admittedly, I was nervous about the consult. About hearing all of the risks again. About hearing how difficult it will be. About how the outcome can be bad. But Dr. M was the face of optimism and confidence. He said their goal is to get me to 32 weeks. (That means the ETA is April 15th!)They would be satisfied with 30 weeks and 34 weeks would be a bonus. He said they are conservative and will put me in the hospital with the slightest hint of a complication. He said I should expect to be in the hospital for the last 2 weeks anyway. He also said I should have a hospital bed delivered to the house around 24 weeks. I must have had a look of fear on my face because then he said, "trust me, you will love it!"
Dr. M talked a lot about planning. Planning for help, planning not to work, planning how to manage around the house and being in bed, about not using the stairs, etc. We had most of that nailed down already and reviewed our game plan with him. He seemed relieved that we were on top of it and that we had thought about all of this ahead of time. Dr. M is hopeful that the bleeding will stop in the next couple of weeks. He said as soon as it does, he would like me to swim every day if I can. He said it's not only good, low impact exercise, but studies show that being in deep water can assist in compression and edema reduction. Apparently that's why you always have to pee when you get out of the pool!!! Who knew?? I am looking forward to swimming all winter, but not the bill for heating our pool! Mr. W and I pondered asking for a swimming rx to see if our insurance would cover the heat bill.......
And then the hard part..... Dr. M wants me to gain between 50 and 75 pounds. Holy.shit. He said I'm off to a slow start and need to kick it up a notch. This one baffles me. I just can't get enough food in me to come close.
It was a crazy, long 2 hour appointment, but Mr. W and I left feeling relieved and confident. And from a purely selfish perspective, since our insurance company has been such an asswipe to us the past year, we are looking forward to sticking them with the bill of 3 preemies in the NICU for a few weeks.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Grab a beverage. This is going to be a long post. But, if we're bloggy friends, you might be entertained by what I have to say about you...so read on! Oh, and these are in no particular order!
EB @ IVF 40+ I am certain EB and I were friends in a former life in old world Europe. We share views on spiritual matters, a love of chocolate cake & kitties, and disdain for political crap in corporate America (mine being former). She is real and so supportive, and some days I read her posts with an English accent in my head to get the full flavor. EB is preparing for her second donor egg cycle, and is more than overdue for her turn at parenthood. (Also, Mr. W's favorite tea shares the name of EB's hometown!)
Sprogblogger: Sprog is a gifted writer - one whose posts should never be missed. Sprog's rap sheet reads like the Who's Who of IF. (Sorry Sprog, not an award you want.) She is an analyst, a thinker, a researcher and yet she is emotional too. I love they way she *snorts* in her blog and comments. IMO, Sprog would be better suited on the West Coast near me or IF Opt, as I think NY is not kind enough to her. Sprog is starting her first DE cycle and is so deserving of success.
MeKate @ I Can't Whistle: I think Kate has an incredibly bright second career ahead of her as a poetry or prose writer. She is emotional and raw and so humble. She says the sweetest and most thoughtful comments on everyone's blogs. I don't know how she does it. She once told me she barfs up her posts. I wish I could barf like she does. Kate also has the most amazing variations for use of the F word. Even more than me! Kate's got a miserable IF rap sheet too, on top of dealing with incredible pain & loss in her life. She just had an embryo transfer yesterday and we all hope this is the one for her.
Lisa @ MeInsideOut: Lisa pulled me up out of the deep dark hole I was in on more than one occasion, all the while she was in the same hole herself. After lots of IF misery & RPL, Lisa is 21 weeks with twins! She is probably the only person who has been as sick as I have. And I think she has that same little guilty feeling I do about posting in the new persona of a whiny pregnant lady.
Dawn @ Can You Imagine: Dawn is the poster child for pretty-n-pregnant. She looks like a model at 26 weeks. (I, on the other hand, am starting to resemble an orca.) She also has none of the crazy side effects. I am so jealous! Dawn always has the sweetest comments and reminds me that taking this blog from IF to PG is a challenge.
Barefoot And (Finally) Pregnant: I think this was the first blog I started reading. Barefoot sucked me in with her uncanny sense of humor and ability to comically post about this whole nightmare. Barefoot continues to crack me up every time I read, though at 35 weeks now, her posts are thinning. I once told her I could write a whole post about the things she says! She reminds me a lot of myself...she shares Top Doc's city, she was stupid enough to remodel her bathroom a few weeks ago & survived (sounds like something I would do) and I would most enjoy sitting down to a glass of wine with her after this all over and listen to her take on babydom.
Best When Used By: BWUB has been an amazing source of support, despite having her own incredible hurdles. BWUB found IF success in embryo donation and is now 23 weeks. She is very creative, has some of the best stories to tell about family members, and I have cantaloupe garden envy. She also has thoughtful & calming comments and seems to bring us all back down to earth. I always enjoy her posts & look forward to the non-IF ones just as much.
IF Optimist: Besides sharing a love of the Pacific NW, San Francisco, Canada, and the F word, I think that IFO and I have had some IRL friends pull some similar, not so nice stuff. IFO and I should be friends IRL and maybe we will one day since we live in the same geographical area. IFO is smart, creative, & has a sense of humor I adore. She is also just a week or so behind me with twins!
My Mind's Ink: I found Dirk's blog through IFO, as well as Michelle's, his wife. They live in Victoria, and well, it's no secret I love Canada. Dirk's blog is always good for some political banter, which I enjoy, when the banterers are reasonably intelligent. Words can't express how badly I feel for their last IVF cycle. Even Mr. W felt terrible when I told him about it. But I wish them the very best, now in the midst of a FET.
Mad Hatter @ Late For A Very Important Pregnancy: Maddy, another Canadian has an amazing ability to see the good in every angle. She is the queen of TCM and has had remarkable success in lowering her FSH with the treatments. She bares all, for us all to see, and has such creative approaches to her writing. Not to mention a great sense of humor. Wishing her the best in her post IUI 2 ww.
Pundelina Kafoops Lives Here: Pundelina is from down under and was recently given the sub-diagnosis badge I was given last spring by my former RE. Emphasis on former. I know she is struggling with what to do next (except that she got a free cycle out of the deal). Pundelina recently bestowed a blog award on me too, which I have been a slacker about. So I still owe her thanks!
(There are a lot of other great blogs out there that I have either just discovered, or am still connecting with. Adventures in Baby Getting, Maredsous ( I really miss your posts) and Lucky Jones @ Happy High Heels....I still don't have access to yours!)
And then there's me. I am a classically trained musician who got a degree in communications/journalism and a semi-obscure foreign language. I have also picked up Mr. W's native tongue and hope to get my MBA one of these days. I spent 10 years in corporate management and marketing in the cosmetic industry, followed by the last 10 years working for myself, and I hope the next 10 years will bring our dreams of a winery project to fruition. After paying off Mr. W's medical school, travelling in 14 countries, building Mr. W's medical practice and a vacation home, we finally got our shit together enough to try to have a kid or two. That was 7 years ago. And now, after 17 years of marriage and after the hell that is IF, it looks like we're having three!
Thursday, November 12, 2009
They are in the mini-fridge in the bedroom and I look at them every day. Every morning I say "today I will throw them out" and then I don't. For 60 days I have done this. Opened the fridge, looked at them, and closed the door.
They aren't any good anymore, haven't been for some time. It's not like I could have used them again myself before the end of the 30 days. It's not like anyone else would have wanted them either, once punctured.
I can't tell if it was painful to think I was tossing a $300 bill in the giant mouth of the sharps container, never to be seen again. Or was it admitting that I "didn't need" them anymore that seemed impossible? Or was it my superstitious fear that tossing them would cause a miscarriage? Or did I just need to remind myself daily how I got to this point? (Hardly...)
And so, for whatever reason....today was the day. I have no idea why. There is no milestone to mark. I am no more certain of keeping these nuggets now than I was 60 days or 60 minutes ago. Whatever it was, on this morning it compelled me to pick up the vials, briefly inspect them (to be sure they weren't really wrapped in $100 bills?) to be sure I wasn't mistaken and had thrown them out already and this was some other drug I needed? And then...just like that...I threw them in the mouth of the giant red beast. And closed the refrigerator door once more.
No pomp. No circumstance. But somewhere there was ceremony in that event. Only to be outdone moments later by cheerios and cottage cheese clogging the drain of the shower. Hmmmph.
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
As in, 6 little arms and 6 little legs flailing around on the ultrasound yesterday.
Pretty fucking amazing to watch, especially after carting yourself to the doctor in modified panic mode because you're bleeding, mildly. Sigh.....
Likely a subchorionic hematoma that decided to give way, says the OB. Common, as we all know... and all forget when it's happening to US!
My big accomplishments today?
1. working a few hours from home
2. cleaning out the refrigerator of the food Mr.W has been forced to cook for me for the past week that I only nibble on. Because food is VILE.
3. a bath, spa mask and all
4. blogging again
5. congratulating IF Optimist on her 2 monsters and welcoming EB home from what sounds like the trip from hell with BWUB's Whacky P.
And ok, the symptom list.
Nausea: OMG. Zof.ran with a side of Phen.ergan.
Weight gain: loss of 3 pounds
Food craving: none
Food aversion: everything
Favorite new drug: stool softener
Monday, November 2, 2009
My chief goal in life right now? Finding new ways to keep food and water down. Unfortunately that means blogs, work, driving, and any other daily activities take a back seat. I promise to catch up as soon as I can.