I have kept two punctured vials of Folli.stim in the refrigerator since I returned from Top Doc's clinic. The vials were punctured in mid September, fully 60 days ago. Of course they have a shelf life of 30 days after being punctured, so why the hell was I hanging on to them?
They are in the mini-fridge in the bedroom and I look at them every day. Every morning I say "today I will throw them out" and then I don't. For 60 days I have done this. Opened the fridge, looked at them, and closed the door.
They aren't any good anymore, haven't been for some time. It's not like I could have used them again myself before the end of the 30 days. It's not like anyone else would have wanted them either, once punctured.
I can't tell if it was painful to think I was tossing a $300 bill in the giant mouth of the sharps container, never to be seen again. Or was it admitting that I "didn't need" them anymore that seemed impossible? Or was it my superstitious fear that tossing them would cause a miscarriage? Or did I just need to remind myself daily how I got to this point? (Hardly...)
And so, for whatever reason....today was the day. I have no idea why. There is no milestone to mark. I am no more certain of keeping these nuggets now than I was 60 days or 60 minutes ago. Whatever it was, on this morning it compelled me to pick up the vials, briefly inspect them (to be sure they weren't really wrapped in $100 bills?) to be sure I wasn't mistaken and had thrown them out already and this was some other drug I needed? And then...just like that...I threw them in the mouth of the giant red beast. And closed the refrigerator door once more.
No pomp. No circumstance. But somewhere there was ceremony in that event. Only to be outdone moments later by cheerios and cottage cheese clogging the drain of the shower. Hmmmph.