Last night I said the positive attitude crap was BS because either I am or I ain't. Apparently there is this thing in the middle of black and white called gray. Also known as a big fat maybe. This WHOLE entire process I have fallen into whatever the smallest percentage category of whatever the statistic is that's being measured. Only 10% need a laminaria. (Hi, that's me.) Only a possibility of getting 3 eggs retrieved. (Uh-um...I got 6 thank you very much.) Very likely chance I will not have anything to transfer, maybe 10%. (That's ok, I'll take it. In fact, I'll take 2! Does that mean I moved up to the 20% tier?) Having something to freeze was never even up for discussion. (Ok, I give there.)
And so, on beta day I have a whopping 8.36 Hcg. Technically positive by my clinic's standards (below 2 is negative), but more likely in the realm of a chemical pregnancy. I thought I'd be way more hysterical. I mean yeah, I'm WAY disappointed. But the weirdness of it all is I still have those little pangs and twinges and crampy things which means I've either got a fighter, or I'm having kittens. (Laugh with me please...) Surprisingly, the poker faces at my clinic showed genuine signs of optimism....something I tried unsuccessfully to rip a hole in. The other side of this f-d up coin is that I have proven several things. I have eggs that can be fertilized and go to blast. Mr. W's still got some mojo. And it's possible for something to hang on inside even if it's not forever. Lots of things learned. And to EB at IVF 40+, I really do feel your pain.