East Meets West

I realize sometimes I am too consumed with what other people think. I am working on getting over that. I am speaking my mind a little more these days,(something I did more frequently years ago). I don't know what any of this has to do with my new approach to IF, but there is some relevance somewhere.

I have fight or flight syndrome too. In a big way, and in lots of circumstances. I'm learning that this contributes to extreme hormonal imbalances and puts the body in constant stress mode. Duh..... yeah, that's me. I'm working on getting that response under control. And wow, do I have it more than I realized. Super Doc thinks it's cranked up anxiety. Whatever it is it's making me sick, literally...as in unhealthy. I guess I'm circling back to my relevance here to being too consumed with what others think and the fact that I'm not going to let others toxify my life anymore.

And so, I have begun a bit of a lifestyle change, and I'm trying to be gradual in my approach. I am seeing a new TCM practitioner and I'm taking this beyond acupuncture. Last week I began D.HEA. I started at 25 mg doses for a few days and am now on 50 mg doses, headed for 75mg, where I'll stay, pending no side effects. So far I am good. I also started Royal.Jelly at the advice of my new practitioner. That's interesting stuff. They warn the taste is unpleasant and how to dilute it properly to make it go down better. I actually like it and don't dilute it. I'm taking 1/4 teaspoon twice daily. There is some weird visualization thing that happens when I take it and I think that's why I don't mind the taste. It's almost a semi-refreshing experience and I do feel like a queen bee. Or maybe I feel like Royalty. At $20 an ounce, I should feel like freaking Cleo.patra.

My new practitioner is the hottest ticket in town. The soonest I could get in (beyond my initial consult) was the end of next week. The best part is, Super Doc is on the plan too. So we will be getting co-treatments! For his part, he has started Pyc.nogenol. This comes in 25mg and the recommended dose is 200mg, so that's a work in progress to get there. I am proud of him. He has always had an open mind, although he's tended to scoff a bit at my yoga. Regardless, he has agreed to TCM and admits that Western medicine has failed us thus far. Or perhaps it is we who have failed. And, I'm taking a valuable piece of advice from Meinsideout. (I don't think she realized she was giving advice.) I have to work harder to meet him half way through this mess. I have to be responsible for letting myself out of the darkness. No one else will do it for me.

The hardest part now is the waiting......again. We have agreed, and on the advice of Ms. TCM, to wait at least 90 days before trying IVF again. Big sigh. But I am ok with it. I know...it feels desperately like the clock is ticking, like we can't wait (as RE bluntly told us last fall). And when we do attempt again, I will have passed birthday #39 and decreased our chances of success even further. These are hard pills to swallow. But I think it is the right thing to do and I feel like another immediate cycle of IVF would have been out of desperation, not to mention financially imprudent. And, with any luck, EB and I will high-five with BFPs in August.