Friday, October 16, 2009

Things People Say

I'm sure I haven't even heard the best of the comments yet, but I'd thought I'd list a few I've received in the past few months or so, from the very limited number of people who know of the war we've been embedded in. Note my comments out to the side, or in some cases, my silent thoughts, depending on the offender.

Why don't you just get a surrogate? Because IF does not always equal shitty uterus.

Can you just have a surgery or something to fix your condition? Because IF is always the woman's problem. And a surrogate should fix whatever it is anyway.

Just keep trying IVF until it works. Yeah, because money grows on trees and I'm secretly popping the anti-aging pill Carl Sagan invented.

Why don't you just adopt? Aren't you worried about your child having birth defects if it's that difficult? Oh gosh yeah, because the rate of birth defects in IVF babies doubles. From like .02% to .04%

Just de-stress and relax and everything will happen. The oldest line in the book - and I un-friend these offenders simply for being dumb fucks.

Wouldn't it be great if you had twins? Then you'd be done! Because, I couldn't possibly be 'done' with one, and why in the hell would I ever want more than two?

Maybe God didn't want you to have children. Maybe God never wanted you to open your mouth, but you do.

Aren't you glad you decided not to have children? This one comes from people not in the know. And my standard response is, 'Who said we decided anything?' - a response that is usually met with puzzlement on the face of the offender. It's really a priceless look.

Only to be followed by...(when word gets out)

Oh, you finally decided it was time to have children? I have an answer prepared. It goes something like "no, mother nature finally decided we were worthy."


  1. HA ha ha LMOA
    Yeah, I get the 'just relax' line about three times a week. Maybe we can just start saying 'fuck off stupid' to whatever questions or comments comes our way?

    How are you feeling? Doing OK?

  2. Gah. #5 is my personal favorite.

  3. These are priceless. Your response to the "just relax" one cracked me up -- I can't tell you how many times I've thought similar thoughts.
    Sorry people are being stupid around you with the TTC thing... it's just such a drag.

  4. Love it! Well said, every single one! Take that, dumb fucks! :-)

    I have one to add:

    I'm so fertile you just have to blink at me and I'm pregnant. And I love being pregnant so much, that I would be willing to be a surrogate for my friends.

    What would you say to that, K?

  5. Congratulations, sorry I've haven't been following too well! I blame it on IF. It screws up everything in my life.

    Mr.W sounds like the best. And I bet Mr. Momma would like him - they are both "sons of the earth"!

    Hope you are not feeling too blah, but I know that can be a comfort at this stage anyway. Love the Stupid FP Comments.

  6. Gah! I've got them too here are my responses.

    The surrogate comment: I don't have problems
    carrying babies so far, just getting pregnant.

    Why don't you just adopt: I say, "that's a great idea" and proceed to tell them the cost of adoption, that it can take years to get a baby, the chance of the kid getting taken back by the birth parents, potential side effects of fetal alcohol syndrome, maternal drug abuse, bad genes, etc. Most of them turn white and shut the hell up. It's not like a movie from the 40's folks.

    Just relax: And how does my relaxing help change the chemistry of my husband's sperm?

    Maybe God didn't want you...: We'll it's a good thing I don't believe in THAT asshole.

    Alternate to the "nicer" comment of it being "God's way": I don't really think God is a micro-manager. She's much smarter than that.

    The "I'm so fertile" crap that I get: Were you trying at 40? I can tell you if we were popping them out at 19, 22, 24, 26, as high as 32 then maybe we'd be "fertile" too. Also it doesn't matter how "fertile" you are, it takes two to tango.

    I usually end by telling these people that their comments, while meant to be helpful, are the things that make IF'ers cringe. I give them the useful hints like, "That must be very difficult for you" or "Well, I wish you all the best of success." I also let them know what they absolutely shouldn't say to a woman who miscarries "god's plan, etc." (shudder)

    We hates them, filthy stupid commentses.

  7. mother nature indeed.



  8. I know the frustration of being on the receiving end of such comments, but your answers made me laugh out loud. They shouldn't, I mean clearly people who say these kinds of things ARE dumb fucks, but it's funny to see it in print anyway. You caused lots of knowing nods with this one!