Monday, May 11, 2009

Acu-quack Time Bomb

Friday was our first two-hour session with the new Chinese medical doctor. My diagnosis was kidney yang deficiency (cold uterus), spleen something, and blood qi imbalance. I have 2 new herbal mixtures to take (they smell like ass), more diet modifications, and acupuncture with acupressure. Mr. W's diagnosis was "damp". He has a custom herbal preparation that is made to order then shipped to us. This is my third acupuncturist and I will say she is heavy on the needles but offers a lot of interesting assessments and she specializes in fertility.

Mr. W survived his first acupuncture session with very little comment in the car on the way home. That should have been my first clue, but I missed it. Instead, I accused him of being uninterested and a bunch of other things. And then all hell blew out of both of us sideways.

Mr. W had made me think he was keeping an open mind all along. The reality is, he thinks it's all hocus pocus and doesn't believe a single dime of the TCM shit. He is pissed "I" am making him give up his day off to see the "acu-quack" as he calls her. Pissed I am spending the money on it and the herbs. And now pissed I am making him take all of these goddamn supplements.

And then I unload a truck load of blame on him. He doesn't care if we have a child or not. I can't even get him to take better care of himself. He's not willing to give anything up to try to make this work. He's oblivious to the fact that we're out of time and options. In fact, he's even planning a vacation during what would be our next planned cycle in August.

His version is that I am consumed with this process. That I can't function normally every day. That I'm depressed. That I'm withholding emotion and affection from him. That I'm reading too many things on the internet. And he's afraid I'm going to have a nervous breakdown if this doesn't work (again) and do I really think the snake oil shit will work? OK, I DON'T FREAKING KNOW....BUT I'M OUT OF OPTIONS. And if he's not interested in proceeding then put me out of misery now and say he's done.

This is the part where I think our fundamental item of disagreement rears its head. I have decided that we will not have any better IVF chances if we don't change something or try something new. Hence the TCM and 3 month wait for improvement. He believes that statistically speaking our odds are better if we barrelled through back to back IVF cycles until something takes. Western medicine at its finest. For starters, my body can't take that. And, our bank account can't continue to take a $15,000 hit every month on top of everything else, for what could be his eternity of statistical hell.

I am so mad I haven't spoken to him for 2 days.


  1. I am a researcher geek so I looked up "stress and infertility treatments". the most helpful is this one
    "Women undergoing infertility treatment report the same level of stress, anxiety, and depression as women who have cancer, HIV, or heart disease"

    I read a book about coping with IVF and couples and it said that the male reaction after repeated (read more than 2) failures is to want to quit since failure to reproduce is such a primeordial 'urge' where as women hang on to the science (since they have to interact with it all the time) and think 'next time'.

    So sorry you guys are having a hard time. It is a crap shoot but you are increasing the odds and reducing the risks by undergoing treatments from both east and west.

    Oh and TCM has been priven to increaase chances of pregnancy by up to 40% - 65%

    "Acupuncture can increase the chances of getting pregnant for women undergoing fertility treatment by 65%. To establish how effective the treatment is, doctors in the US collated evidence from all relevant, well-conducted studies and published their conclusions in British Medical Journal. (Feb 8th 2008). " Guardian Newspaper (uk) Feb 8th 2008.

    hope all this helps. sorry for the long post.

  2. I'm sorry you guys had a big blow's like the last thing you need. More than anything, women just want to feel supported. IF is hard enough, you know? I'm so glad EB (IVF 40+) found all that great information to share. I hope it helps.

  3. I am really sorry. The information IVF 40+ gave is great. Mr. M feels that way quite a bit too - that I am obsessed with this, depressed, etc. etc. etc. hence the trying to meet him halfway post. BUT he has to meet halfway too. I hope you guys work it out - it is so, so hard. ((HUGS))

  4. It really is a difficult situation. You, of course, need to do whatever feels right. To give this business your best shot. You really shouldn't do any less. Hope you guys can talk to each other soon and come to an understanding.

  5. I'm just seeing this post now, and am so sorry you're going through this. I went through something on a much smaller scale with my husband WRT the acupuncture stuff -- I can't even imagine how painful a conversation this was. I hope that things are improving, and I'm thinking of you!

  6. There's a bit of a belief among ivf'ers that if you cycle back to back that your subsequent cycles get a bit of the drug magic from previous cycles. I've been reading about this and I do see a lot of BFPs from women that cycle back to back. I'm about to do this myself for the first time, so it's something I'm quite interested in.