Friday was our first two-hour session with the new Chinese medical doctor. My diagnosis was kidney yang deficiency (cold uterus), spleen something, and blood qi imbalance. I have 2 new herbal mixtures to take (they smell like ass), more diet modifications, and acupuncture with acupressure. Mr. W's diagnosis was "damp". He has a custom herbal preparation that is made to order then shipped to us. This is my third acupuncturist and I will say she is heavy on the needles but offers a lot of interesting assessments and she specializes in fertility.
Mr. W survived his first acupuncture session with very little comment in the car on the way home. That should have been my first clue, but I missed it. Instead, I accused him of being uninterested and a bunch of other things. And then all hell blew out of both of us sideways.
Mr. W had made me think he was keeping an open mind all along. The reality is, he thinks it's all hocus pocus and doesn't believe a single dime of the TCM shit. He is pissed "I" am making him give up his day off to see the "acu-quack" as he calls her. Pissed I am spending the money on it and the herbs. And now pissed I am making him take all of these goddamn supplements.
And then I unload a truck load of blame on him. He doesn't care if we have a child or not. I can't even get him to take better care of himself. He's not willing to give anything up to try to make this work. He's oblivious to the fact that we're out of time and options. In fact, he's even planning a vacation during what would be our next planned cycle in August.
His version is that I am consumed with this process. That I can't function normally every day. That I'm depressed. That I'm withholding emotion and affection from him. That I'm reading too many things on the internet. And he's afraid I'm going to have a nervous breakdown if this doesn't work (again) and do I really think the snake oil shit will work? OK, I DON'T FREAKING KNOW....BUT I'M OUT OF OPTIONS. And if he's not interested in proceeding then put me out of misery now and say he's done.
This is the part where I think our fundamental item of disagreement rears its head. I have decided that we will not have any better IVF chances if we don't change something or try something new. Hence the TCM and 3 month wait for improvement. He believes that statistically speaking our odds are better if we barrelled through back to back IVF cycles until something takes. Western medicine at its finest. For starters, my body can't take that. And, our bank account can't continue to take a $15,000 hit every month on top of everything else, for what could be his eternity of statistical hell.
I am so mad I haven't spoken to him for 2 days.