Sunday, September 27, 2009

Somebody Squealed

Number one nephew just returned from 3 months in Italy. (I'll call him #1 because he's the oldest of the nephews.) He's just finished college and just accepted his first broadcast journalism job for a C.BS affiliate in a smaller city in an adjacent state. Mr. W and I are proud of this kid. After a rough bus, he's turned out to be a sweet and hella-smart guy.

So I never mentioned how odd it was that he showed up to pick us up at the airport after our return from Top Doc's clinic. We hadn't arranged a ride with him, but our ride apparently fell through and so he was there. It struck me later as odd, because he didn't ask about our trip, what we did, or any normal questions you ask people when they get back from vacation. In fact, he didn't ask a thing. Of course, he had just returned from this fabulous trip in Italy, visiting all of Mr. W's relatives and testing his new fluency in Italian on us. So why would you ask about our boring trip anyway?

The next night, Mr. W and I offered to take #1 nephew to dinner since he would be moving the following week to start the new job. On the way to dinner, Mr. W slipped a real subtle comment to test the waters. And just like flies on shit, #1 nephew jumped all over it and blurted out he's looking forward to having a new cousin. I scowled at him in the back seat. "Who squealed!?" I demanded. (As if we couldn't figure it out.) I can't say....I've been sworn to secrecy.....he says. "Dammit!"....I said. "Tell me..." But all I had to do was mention Mr. W's mom and I saw him grimace. She is notorious for gossip. Notorious for wanting to be the FIRST to pass 'news' along. Notorious for wanting to stir the pot.

Mr. W and I reminded #1 nephew that this was not definitive and that it was still a private matter and that it wasn't that we didn't want him to know, but we wanted to tell him ourselves, and that it may not work, again. #1 nephew said he hadn't told a soul and didn't plan on it but that he was really excited and that we shouldn't blame any family member(s) because that's just how the family is.

But I do blame, and I am hurt and angry at MIL for making this HER information to share with people. And we can just about bet if she has told #1 nephew it will be in the newspapers any day. And the worst part is, there is really NO information to share at this point.

Sigh...I am trying to be forgiving. But I am still pissed. And I feel cheated and crossed.

I have to hand it to Mr. W, though. He had the guts to confront the root of our problem head-on with #1 nephew right then and there. In the car. On the way to dinner. He told #1 nephew if ever thought he might want kids in his lifetime he should go get tested now. To my amazement, #1 nephew wanted to know who and where is this testing and what is considered normal and what should he do if it was abnormal. "Do I just have to jack off in a cup?" ...was his question. At least at 20-something, they 'get' that concept pretty easily.


  1. Ugh. I hate being 'outed'. As you say - it's your news to share, not MIL's. The only silver lining I'm seeing is that it does mean that the whole family is really excited for a new addition, which isn't necessarily always the case. When you do tell them OFFICIALLY, you can be sure that the reaction is going to be excited and happy.

  2. Gah. MILs - I am telling you - I feel your pain. I tell that woman nothing and Mr. M has learned to tell her very little. That was wrong of her - and if she is anything like my MIL - she will say something to try and make you feel guilty.

    Good luck - and I hope you have more for her to gossip about soon.

  3. I'm so sorry about your MIL letting it slip...It sounds like you and Mr. W handled it very well. Families! Here we are, working so hard to create them, but meanwhile the ones we're in drive us crazy!!! ;-)

  4. I'm so sorry K. I know exactly what you mean. I tell my mom and MIL that this is my very personal business and that it makes me sick to think that someone is using it as a topic of conversation with people I hardly know. Even though I know their concern and love is genuine, talking about it just feels like idle gossip to me. I think it may be a generational thing, ugh. Just thinking about it makes me mad. MrBeep was at his parents house yesterday and I think spilled some beans and now they know we are in the middle of things.

  5. The nephew's blunt question made me smile. But, oh, K, I am SO sorry your MIL ruined what is YOUR right to tell and share and decide when and how and if. I would feel cheated too! The moment of disclosure is a precious moment....long anticipated. And to have taken that away from you just so she can feel important, well, that's downright selfish. I hope Mr. W confronts her about it and scolds her. So just to get her goat, I hope you have TWINS and that she is the LAST to know!

  6. Geezus, some people just don't get the concept of privacy do they? It sucks to have knowledge where it was not wanted and it especially sucks when, as you say, there actually is no news.

    I hope there will be good news soon though!


  7. Oh, ugh. My MIL is a compulsive secret-teller as well, and it's so frustrating. This is your news and yours alone, and it's so maddening when someone doesn't respect that.