Tuesday, June 23, 2009

When Pagans Whisper

Every now and then there are days I never want to end. I can count on one at least once a year. June 21st - the solstice. There is always magic that day. The sun sets so late...the honeysuckle is in full bloom, the lavender is intoxicating, and the air is ripe with the official onset of summer (though summer arrived in May this year). I love that day. I love not wearing shoes. I love that the first garden harvests are around the corner.

But here I am....back on this planet, where it's no big surprise that DIY IUI #2 didn't work. And it's no big secret that I've been a bit (ok maybe a lot) depressed. Tried to have a few IF-free days....days I wasn't on the internet (thanks you guys, for saying Hi anyway)....days I wasn't consumed with what my body was doing or not doing...days where I found other things to distract me. Eight graduations, 3 birthdays, 2 weddings, 1 funeral, and a partridge in a pear tree this month helped...or not, depending on how you look at it.

But in and among all of this mess, some nasty little abdominal thing crept up. I managed to fight off Super Doc and avoided the ER one night, but went through 2 full days of testing last week. Got some really nice bloodwork done. (Managed to sneak in another FSH, E2, TSH just for shits and giggles, hoping the insurance won't catch it among a slew of other tests). Everything looked good, except for my liver. Then I got an abdominal CT (clear), followed by a GI consult. So what's the verdict? Nothing yet, and it means I get a hose down my throat next week. Yep. Endoscopy. Nice. They've ruled out pancreatitis and some other stuff. It's likely a big fat stomach ulcer (gee, I wonder why), IBS (big surprise), or Celi.ac disease (very unlikely). I had my gallbladder removed 3 years ago, so that's out. So the GI doc is going to throw the scope down me and take a peek. I'm so excited I could vomit.

So Mr. GI thinks the IVF and/or its drugs may have pissed my liver off too. Interesting. I quit taking my herbs. Quit the D.HEA. And quit just about everything else, except for this little blue designer stomach pill. So I'm in a holding pattern again, just trying to get myself well. Still planning to do another cycle one of these days. Still planning to get my shit back together.


But in the land of interesting news....a new IF clinic has opened in my town. That makes #4. So the plot thickens, so to speak. We shall see what this new development brings.


  1. So sorry about your stomach...I had an endo once - the only good thing about it was the twilight meds.

    Sorry that the DIY did not work out, really, really sorry.

    My DIY is just going to be intravaginal - I am too scared to try anything more sophisticated than that! And Mr. M, being in law enforcement and unable to do basic household repairs, is certainly not a candidate...

  2. hi K. really great to read you again - all be it with mixed news. Hope you get the all clear on the stomach/liver front. Oh and the new IVF clinic has an IVF give away with 100% success contract :-)

  3. hoping they figure out your stomach issues...that is no fun at all! sorry to hear about the BFN, but interesting to have a 4th clinic.

  4. Ugh...I'm so sorry you're having to endure all this. I can't imagine the endoscopy will be much fun, but I hope they figure out and can correct the problem. I'm also sorry the DIY IUI bombed. I'm the #1 fan of cheating clinics out of gouging money from infertiles. I hope things look up for you soon.

  5. hey you, nice to see you here! and sorry the DIYIUI did not work out. I was really hoping it would (take THAT medical establishment!)

    In response to your sweet comments, I did try IVF twice-- first time, no eggs retrieved from 7 follicles, second time, poor response, IUI conversion (but pregnant!)-- so I never made it to the big dance. My local RE does not want to plan an IVF, wants to plan IUI and convert if all goes well. Which in some way does appeal to me and my fear of failure. But, it also sort of makes sense since it worked once. BUT yes, the fucking ticking, I hear you. Believe me, I know.

    I am so sorry about your belly and whateverthehell is going on there- I hate that you are going through this- and hope that they find something simple, fixable, fixable soon, and are able to make you more comfortable/reassured right now. Thank you for your comments! and I hope we'll cross paths in real life someday. I'll post about it each time I head west just in case.

    Please take care and feel better.


  6. I am so sorry your IUI didn't work. Salt to the wounds with this stomach issue! Hope they figure it out soon and that you are taking good care of yourself.